Sexual Relationship of a Gay Couple

Basic points

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FEBRUARY, 2021

Relationship

Sex

#sexualrelationship

Building a safe and shame-free zone is necessary to good sexual communication. The biggest aspect regarding sex in general and especially discussing it is trust.  To trust each other completely. Sex is the closets that 2 people will ever be able to get together or connect with each other.

Good sex is a multi-sensory experience that brings connection, closeness, pleasure, and intimacy between two or more consenting people. When you think about sex, the physical act is usually what comes to mind. Sex that is portrayed in movies, on television or in porn suggests that you intuitively know how to turn your partners on. However, if you don’t talk about it, you won’t know. Sex can be fraught with a range of emotions, complicated histories, and assumptions.

Additionally, engaging in the physical act is only part of what makes for good sex. Good sex communication is essential for it to be satisfying, healthy, and safe. Talking about sex helps you and your partner(s) connect and learn about each other.

Basic points

1. Say Yes to what you want and No to what you do not.

Express your sexual desires and interests so that your partner(s) know how to please you. Tell them what you like and what you do not. What kinds of sexual activities do you enjoy? Are you willing to try that you have not done?  What are you not willing to do?

2. Non-verbal sex communication

Non-verbal communication is an important part of any sexual experience. However, you do not want to only rely on non-verbal communication during sex. Non-verbal communication can be easily misinterpreted.  Awareness of your partner’s response to your touch is an example of non-verbal sexual communication. Other ways you can communicate during sex can include cuing into receptive body movements, breathing, moans, or sighs. Attention to non-verbal cues can keep you attuned to your partner during sex. 

3. Talk with partners about sex to increase sexual safety and informed decision-making.

Sex that is portrayed in the media and online often do not include conversations about health status and sexual history. Talking openly about sex and desire can sometimes be an unfamiliar or difficult experience. You may feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, or vulnerable, especially if you are sharing sexual trauma or health status.  Questions to ask your partners might include: What kind of touch do you like? Are there parts of your body where you do not want to be touched?  What kind of barriers do you use? Are there sexual activities you are willing to enjoy without barriers?  Because our relationship to sex is complex and multi-faceted, it is okay to feel some nervousness or hesitation. Move at your own pace.  Take the time to talk openly about sex to increase safety and comfort. 

4. Increase comfort and intimacy

Healthy sexual communication will allow you and your partners to feel more comfortable pleasing each other. As a result, you may feel closer and more able to connect. When you feel safe and connected, you will develop a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and strengthen your relationships.  You will learn and understand the kind of sexual relationships you want to have with each another.

 Remember that sex communication is a skill that requires practice and feedback.  Furthermore, you may initially find your style of communication awkward and clunky. Because of this remember to ask questions; get feedback; learn about each other’s histories and desires and cue into non-verbal communication. In addition to better communication, practice will increase your skills and will ease future sex communication, sexual satisfaction, health, and connection.

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